The Drums

(Get Yo' Groove On #5, 2007)

The drums are perhaps the most ancient of instruments. Long before humans first had the idea to twang things or blow through things, we were surely banging shit together. This primal urge has prevailed through to the modern age: every time a corporate high-flier pounds his fist on the table in demand of results, dammit, results, or a bad-ass playa pimp-slaps his biatch, we are seeing this ancient urge coming to the surface. Thus the drums can be a very appealing instrument, as it allows one to bang shit to their heart’s content under the guise of ‘music’.

A single drum kit may consist of several different components. Firstly, there is the bass drum, which has that kind of, uh, ‘doof doof’ sound. Then there is the snare, which sort of has that, y’know… ‘rat-a-tat-tat’ sound? Well you try to explain them better, buddy. Jeez. The drums that are like smaller, higher versions of the bass drum are known as ‘toms’, named after their inventor Thomas Edison. Those metal discs that get hit and make things all exciting and stuff are known as ‘cymbals’.

Learning to play the drums can be difficult as it involves doing several things at once. Your average drummer will often be working the bass drum with one foot, the hi-hat with the other, using their hands to hit the snare and cymbals, making a coffee for their bandmates and booking their next gig, all at the same time. If you have trouble doing even basic things simultaneously, such as walk and study commerce, then the coordination required to play the drums may be a little too demanding. In this case you might want to start smaller, perhaps with a pair of bongos. The added bonus of this is that you can grow a goatee and use your bongos as accompaniment to that reactionary poetry you’ve been secretly working on, which, despite its shining brilliance, nobody will ever truly appreciate.  

Many drummers do appear to be quite sexy whilst bashing away at the drums, hair flying in all directions. Perhaps this is due to their strong Animal magnetism (see what I did there?!) However, drummers often have trouble holding down long-term relationships. This is generally due to their partner’s fear that they will expire in an untimely way, such as exploding on stage or perishing in a bizarre gardening accident. However, for those who are truly passionate about their music, this is all just part of the craft.