I’m sure you were hoping we’d make it to the
end of the course without mentioning it, but it has to be done. Yes, you and I
need to have a little talk about personal
hygiene. No, it’s okay, don’t turn the page! Personal hygiene is a key part
of success and nothing to be embarrassed about. Strange odours, bad skin and
liquid discharge are but a few of the many things that can cost you the respect
of your peers or potential employers, so it is important that we tackle these
problems before they become too pungent.
At the risk of sounding like your dad, it’s
time for you to take a shower, mister! Showering has been scientifically proven
to remove 90% of known odours from your body and is a refreshing way to start
your day. For maximum effectiveness, use soap during cleaning and a towel
afterwards to remove any excess moisture. It is also important that you clean
your teeth every day. This generally requires a toothbrush, toothpaste, and a
brisk scrubbing motion. You will have heard that you need to brush three times
a day – probably by a ‘qualified’ dentist who is being paid off by the
toothpaste companies – but for the life of me I can’t see why anything needs to be cleaned more than
once a day, let alone something as strong as a tooth. Just use a little common
sense and you’ll be right as rain.
Brushing your teeth also has the unexpected
side-effect of freshening your breath. Studies show that employees with
pleasant-smelling breath are four times more likely to be successful than those
who have undesirable mouth odours or give off a faint sort of vinegary smell.
Deodorant can also be an effective way to keep general body odours to a
minimum. There’s nothing worse than turning up to work on a hot day, already
dripping with sweat and generally unpleasant to be around. This is why I
strongly recommend driving to work, preferably with the air-conditioning on,
rather than cycling or walking. You owe it to everybody else!
Now, this is getting a little beyond my area of
expertise, but ladies: I would advise you to keep your lady problems discreet.
There’s nothing your male coworkers want less than to be reminded of your
feminine woes, and doing so may cost you important job opportunities. Try to
control your behaviour as much as possible. I know the temptation to become
irrational and difficult can be strong, but I’m sure you can do it! Just
remember that sometimes a little greatness can take a lot of work.
So, next time I see you on the street, I hope
to see a winning smile, perfect skin and the confidence that comes with knowing
that you are no longer physically repulsive to the people around you. I expect
no thanks, although if you could refrain from throwing a bottle at my head that
would be nice! Haha - only joking, of course.
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