As we barrel toward the end of this run of Critic’s Magazine, time has once again
forced me to skip over another step. In this case it’s probably not such a bad
thing, since I’m not exactly proud of Step Thirteen. I look back at what I
wrote in my original book twenty years ago and cringe; it’s as if I had no idea
what I was talking about! Thankfully, I’ve learned from my mistakes and moved
on since then.
Now, it is time to turn our attention to the
finer things in life. Opera music. Expensive wine. Art. “Oh, I don’t have time
for this, Brian!” I hear you say. “I’m far too busy achieving my goals and
attaining greatness to indulge in such trivial matters.” Well sir, you are very
much mistaken: these things are in fact vital to your success. You see, if you
are chatting to your colleagues in the office or having an after-work drink
with your friends, you need to be able to discuss cultural concepts in order to
become a dynamic member of your group. As interesting as it may be, talking
about goals and achievement parameters does seem to annoy people at times!
Family members especially.
The following is a list of things that you
should come to appreciate and, if possible, enjoy on a regular basis: Carmen’s Bizet (a classic opera!); a cool glass
of red wine; the paintings of Van Gogh (who is generally considered to be the
best at painting); French words; the smooth jazz stylings of Kenneth Gorelick
(better known as Kenny G); books set in old English times; poetry (any of it is
good, really); music with violins in it; and Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code (not only an exciting read, but it really makes
you think about important things like religion and art). Familiarise yourself
with the details of these cultural items so you can discuss them at length.
Detailed information on each topic can be found in on-line encyclopedias such
as Encarta.
It is also very important to recognise what is not culture. Should you make a reference
to something that is seen as low-brow, you will lose valuable status points
with your peers and/or superiors. Here are a few things that you should avoid
at all costs: rap music (if you can call it ‘music’!); television shows with
lots of swearing; movies starring that awful man Jim Carrey; heavy rock music
(especially the kind with swearing); Jason Gunn; wearing one’s hat backwards
(or sideways); and police dramas with lots of guns, and sometimes swearing.
Being able to tell good culture from bad also
shows others that you have the skills to discern what is worthy of your time,
and what should be dismissed without a further look. Now that I’ve told you
what’s good and what isn’t, you’ll be dazzling your associates with your good
judgement and interesting conversation in no time! To that, I raise my wine
glass and say “cheers!” – or, should I say, bonjour!
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