STEP 3: Self-Confidence

(Brian Dangerfield's 15 Steps to Greatness #4, 2009)

Pathetic worm. Worthless piece of rubbish. Smelly old man with a stupid-looking face. Yeah, that’s right, I’m talking to you. How does that make you feel? If you want to run crying from the room, then you might as well give up now. But if those words don’t shake your spirit, then congratulations: you’re one step closer to greatness. On the long road to success, you will encounter many obstacles, many people who will try to break you down, and you need to have the confidence to rise above such challenges. But it’s not just enough to have confidence: you need self-confidence. You see, ‘self-confidence’ is all about having confidence… in yourself.

Self-confidence comes down to feeling good about who you are. And why you are. And where you are (in a metaphorical sense, although being somewhere nice can’t hurt). Sounds simple, doesn’t it? After all, we are all special people who should feel good about the gifts we have, no matter how few. However, self-confidence has a terrible enemy: self-doubt. There are many things that can cause self-doubt, such as lack of belief in our own ability, inner fears, or a comical speech impediment. Some people may tell you to “stop making excuses” and "just get on with it", but the reality is that these self-doubts are real problems and need to be faced head-on. The secret is to identify the root of your insecurities, work on changing the things that make you feel bad and eventually come to feel good about yourself. It’s as simple as that. Alternatively, focus on your strengths instead of your flaws: you may doubt your ability to be a good husband, for example, but you can at least, say, write a book.

Let me illustrate my points with a real-life story. During my promotional book tour in 1988, I was giving a seminar in Taihape in when a young girl named Sarah* approached me with a problem. She was quite overweight and had repulsive acne, and all the insensitive comments she received had really shaken her self-confidence. What I told her was this: buy my book, and let it serve as a reminder that with a little self-confidence, a man can do great things. She stared at me for a moment before bursting into tears (of joy), at which point I handed her over to my wife Maria (who always dealt with these things much better than I did!) The point is, eventually you have to stop making excuses and just get on with it. That’s what I did, and look at how great things are now! (Not as great as they were back in 1988, of course, but that’s life.) So, work on your flaws, find confidence in yourself and you’ll be ready for Step Four in no time.

NOTE: due to space constraints, there will be no Step Four.


*Not her real name. I don’t actually remember what her name was, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t Sarah.