Last Time in Japan

(Big Danger in Little Osaka #2, 2008)

Last time I was in Japan was 2002, on a two-week school trip in seventh form. The trip started on a strange note just after we arrived at Tokyo's Narita airport. When I went into the airport bathroom, I noticed that airport security had cordoned off one the cubicles. Peering inside, I saw an empty pair of shoes on the ground, facing the toilet, as if some guy had just vaporized whilst taking a leak. My friend tried filming the bizarre scene, but he was told by security staff to turn the camera off and we were ushered out of the bathroom. Whoa. The only other thing that came close to being that surreal was seeing two Japanese punks put on horse masks and use them to scare schoolchildren.

For the first week we stayed in a hotel in Tokyo. Naturally, the fourth-formers were given the worst rooms in the entire hotel: the basement suite. Instead of windows, these rooms had grates that looked up at people walking on the footpath above. Now I think about it, I’m sure someone could have run a lucrative internet business from down there. (What? I’m just saying.) The seventh-formers’ room, on the other hand, had the advantage of being several floors above the ground. The one drawback was that one of the windows couldn’t be opened as the neighbouring building was in the way. That was definitely a memorable view.

For the second week we were billeted with host families in the town of Kyotanabe. My friend and I stayed with the Kobayashi family, who were brilliant fun and broke almost every stereotype about Japanese people (many of which are untrue, anyway – but that’s another column). One time we went to a restaurant where everything was half-price, so instead of enjoying a cheap meal my host father simply ordered two of every dish. (In hindsight, perhaps I misunderstood and the restaurant was actually offering some kind of two-for-one deal. Either way, we ended up with twice as much food as we could actually eat.)

Kyotanabe is actually very close to Osaka, so I’ll be able to visit the Kobayashis with ease. I imagine it will be quite strange meeting them again: last time they saw me I was an awkward teenager with greasy hair and bad skin. This time… well, I’ll be a bit taller, I guess. According to my host father, the Kobayashi daughters have now left home and are enjoying the ‘shingaru raifu’ (single life) in Kyoto and Tokyo. Is he trying to hint at something? I guess we’ll find out.

Finally, it was on this trip that I discovered what is perhaps the greatest pastime of all: finding Japanese versions of famous people. The two best ones I spotted were a Japanese Ray Liotta and a Japanese Lori Loughlin (better known as Rebecca from Full House). This time, I’m hoping for some A-listers. And maybe some pictures too, if I can be discreet enough. I’ll keep you posted.