The Tri-Harmoniser

(Dangerfield BSc, Registered Scientician, #8. 2008)


How exactly does a tri-harmoniser work, and can I build one myself? (Kyra Robertson, Green Island)

Well Kyra, as we all know, a tri-harmoniser is made up of three essential components: the triangulator, the resonator and the sub-compressor. However, beyond this basic configuration there is a wide variety of tri-harmonisers, all of which operate in subtly different ways. To simplify things I will refer only to the THX5051, which is the most widely-used model and can be found in most schools, hospitals and rest homes.

The THX5051 is surprisingly simple in its operation: once activated, the THX5051 triangulates incoming data via its triangulator – assuming, of course, that the pressure bulbs have been given adequate time to warm up. This data is then sent to the resonator, at which point it is converted into a series of electromagnetic impulses, which are subsequently transmitted to the conducting coils located on the bottom of the device. It is here where the THX5051 differs from most other models, in that the conducting coils are placed perpendicular to, rather than parallel to, the vibration monitors. Finally, the sub-compressor emits a series of infrared pulses, triggered by interference from the auxiliary compressors.

While this will all seem fairly obvious to anyone with a basic knowledge of high-school physics, it is worth remembering that when the tri-harmoniser was invented in 1972, terms such as ‘partially-emitting diode’ and ‘quasi-unstable interference’ were not part of our day-to-day vocabulary. In fact, some physicists credit early models of tri-harmoniser, such as the CM52, with single-handedly introducing sub-harmonic fusion to the general public – hard to believe now, when you consider how much we take it for granted.

Now, building your own tri-harmoniser is not impossible, especially if you have some background knowledge in harmonic synthesis (and who doesn’t, these days?). It is generally not too hard to find a triangulator in your own home: they can be found in such household appliances as vacuum cleaners, microwaves and waffle irons. Sub-compressors are similarly easy to come by. Most electronics stores will stock them, although they are often sold under the retail name ‘Hyper-sphere’. As you probably know, it is obtaining a resonator that poses the most difficulty. This is because they are custom-built in Austria and are very expensive to import, given their high levels of gamma radiation and extreme fragility. (Urban legends of resonators appearing on the black market for prices as low as $500 are most likely untrue.)

Once you have the parts, assembling a tri-harmoniser is fairly intuitive. The most important thing to remember is that the pressure bulbs must be aligned with alternating parity to avoid the risk of fatal exposure. Once assembled, remember that you must never operate your tri-harmoniser within close proximity to infants, invertebrates or large bodies of water (although lagoons are generally safe). While there are only a few dozen tri-harmoniser-related fatalities a year, it is always worth remembering the old maxim: “if you sub-harmonise, somebody fries”.