Teaching English

(Big Danger in Little Osaka #10, 2008)

Before I began teaching I had heard that my school was a little rough, that the students were difficult to keep in line. This didn’t worry me one bit – I’d just get in there and use my inspirational tactics to turn classes full of low-achievers into model students with perfect English. Sorted. Sadly, it turns out that a few fun worksheets and an amusing last name aren’t quite enough to turn these kids around. To be fair, Japanese high school students are notoriously overworked, and I can understand that it’s hard to get excited about English when you’re struggling to just stay awake. But is it too much to ask that my students at least pretend that they care? Or pretend to listen to me? I could be up there playing the trombone and they still wouldn’t pay any attention to me.

I’ve had to introduce myself to every class I teach, which means I’ve said the same self-introduction about twenty times now. I begin by explaining the meaning of my last name, which is usually enough to rouse the students from their sleep-deprived haze. “Huh? Deinjaafiirudo?!”, I hear them ask. I usually follow by asking the students if they know anything about New Zealand. A lot of them yell “koala!”, although a few have surprised me by dropping “kakapo” in there. The best answer I ever got to that question, though, was a loud “Deinjaafiirudo!”. True, I guess. During that same class, I asked if anyone knew the name of the New Zealand rugby team. There was a short pause, followed by another “Deinjaafiirudo!” I know someone who’s getting an A.

This term I’m teaching the senior students about advertising, so in my first week I showed them a few classic New Zealand commercials to start things off. The next week, I began the class by recapping the previous lesson. “Does anyone remember what ‘L&P’ stands for?”, I asked. The kids remembered ‘lemon’ easily enough, but ‘Paeroa’ was understandably harder to recall. After a long silence, one girl yelled out, with incredible enthusiasm, “pants!”. Trying not to laugh, I told her that she wasn’t quite right. “Pants sandwich!’ she yelled again, undeterred. I’m not entirely sure which ad she was watching, but I’ve got to get me some of these pants sandwiches.

Now, not all of my students are loud and uninterested in class work. There are some who sit quietly in class and complete all the activities with near-perfect English. Sadly, I couldn’t tell you who any of those students are – it’s the noisy, disruptive students who I remember. They’re the ones who I recognize in the hallway (and will high-five, if prompted). They’re the ones who often make me laugh out loud at their bizarre antics in class (which is probably bad form for a teacher). Hopefully as time goes on I can get to know the kids who actually care about the lessons, since they deserve some attention as well. Still, it’s the students who yell out things like “please can I have my desk move now!” in the middle of class that make my job interesting. And I can’t complain about that.